Your Last Breath

Do you ever think of your own death or does it give you the creeps? Most Americans never give it much thought until they have it thrown in their face either their own death or the death of a loved one. Then in the mist of grief the families and friends of the deceased find themselves thumbing through the yellow pages looking up funeral homes. Not a clue of the process. Are you prepared for your final moments and the aftermath or will you leave all that for those left behind?
I have been an ICU Nurse for more years than I care to remember and I've seen many people die. It is always better when the the person dying is prepared. They have discussed their wishes with their loved ones about burial or cremation, it's sorted out. It will still be sad, tears will still flow but the awful anxiety of making these decisions under such circumstances are avoided.
My grandmother lived with us we called her Nanny. Every night that woman read the Evening Echo and the first thing she would read was the obituaries, out loud for us all. She had her own wishes all planned out, it was all done but the crying. Us Irish do have an almost weird fascination with death as you can all tell from this rambling. Irish wakes are legendary, one has to have a good send off.  On my most recent visit home an old friend's mother died. She was "Waked Out" Irish style in the parlor at home. Her husband 7 children and who knows how many grandchildren all around the coffin. Greeting friends and neighbors sipping tea and eating lovely sandwiches with the crusts cut off. Later we got into the wine and whiskey. Her life was discussed, all good of course because we have a fierce respect for the dead "Doesn't she look beautiful. She was a lovely women". Tears mixed with laughter a celebration of a life well spent. It was sad but it was good.
A few days ago a patient had an equally Good Death. Pat had been a nurse for 40 years and now at the end she was still in command. Even though she was on a ventilator she was initially alert and the family gathered. She made it clear if she did not respond to treatment she wanted everything stopped after 14 days. We withdrew care as she had wished with the family at the bedside. Dignity in death.
A while back Mr T had been a golfer his whole life he was so nice it was easy to like him. His sons and family would visit and discuss his hole in one and various other golfing trips and memories. I got very close to the family during this time. At the end we prayed and sang songs laughter mixed with tears. We assisted him on his journey to the 19th green and celebrated the great man that he was.
Death does not have to be terrible, sad yes but never traumatic and crazy. I can't even go into some of the caterwauling and gnashing of teeth we sometimes see in ICU. With screaming family members fainting and "falling out" arguing and fighting. We sometimes have to call Hospital Security and have people removed, where's the dignity in that? You are going to die some day like it or not, so it's best to be prepared and live each day like it's your last.

Dora Meulman